Generally clear skies. Low near 70F. Winds SE at 5 to 10 mph..

Generally clear skies. Low near 70F. Winds SE at 5 to 10 mph.

As a gag gift many years ago, Mom gave my stepfather a “Texas-size” drinking glass for his iced tea. We chuckled about it casting a shadow across the kitchen table.

It held 18 ounces. Today, that’s a Rhode Island-size glass. It’s a shot glass compared to the mammoth fountain soft drinks and plastic water bottles people chug and lug.

I know from experience because this heat inspired me to roll out the motivational water bottle the kids gave me as a gag gift. It holds 128 ounces and has the girth of a utility pole.

I’m not exaggerating about rolling it out because the gallon-size bottle is taller than the cabinet shelves. I fit it sideways behind a tower of bowls. Every 16 ounces is marked with the hour and a message, such as “Keep Chugging” at 1 p.m. and “Almost Finished” at 7 p.m.

I carried the water bottle with both hands the other day when I headed out in 102 degrees to go junking. For a few seconds or however long it took for one big burp, I wondered if I really wanted to browse strangers’ ugly Christmas sweaters and hand-painted “Blessed” signs in this sweaty weather.

Sure. Perhaps the heat would melt the other bargain hunters.

As soon as I hopped in the truck, I realized my water bottle was five times bigger than the cup holder. Plus, I couldn’t carry coffee and water with only two hands and had to make another trip inside.

I plopped the water jug on the passenger seat and told it to stay. As I backed out of the driveway, the seatbelt alarm buzzed. I was buckled up, but my liquid passenger was heavy enough to trigger the alarm. I stopped and belted it in.

By mid-morning and after a neighborhood’s worth of lackluster sales, except for a vintage birdcage missing a door, I had barely sipped beyond “Hydrate Yourself” and should have been at “Remember Your Goal.”

I took several giant gulps before heading to the next sale, where I snagged a filthy antique cast-iron skillet perfect for rusty fried chicken. It wasn’t marked on my motivational bottle, but my next milestone was “Casey’s Restroom.”

I’d nearly given up on finding any real treasures when I hit my last sale for the day. There on the dollar table stood a 6.5-ounce Dr Pepper bottle. It’s the size that used to quench a thirst.

No one would believe it, so I bought the tiny bottle as a gag gift.

Marti Attoun’s “Booth 186: My Secondhand Career in Vintage Corsets, Moose Heads and Other Moth-Eaten Antiques,” is available as an e-book on Amazon.

Sorry, there are no recent results for popular commented articles.

Sign up now to get our FREE breaking news coverage delivered right to your inbox.

First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.